When negative self-talk, “brain grooves”, and thought charts have been processed, I help the counselee see how these messages have invaded the very core of who they are. I ask them to think of their core as a steel/titanium bean that cannot be moved or shaken. Yes, life certainly shakes our thoughts, our feelings, our bodies, but it can never shake our core. It can never tell us who we are! So, is your core self a like a beam, or more like Jell-O? Let’s find out…
Tip #4: Recognize the Core Belief
I believe that we all function out what we believe in our core self to be true about ourselves. Based on Albert Ellis’s work with Core Irrational Beliefs (CIB’s), I help counselees discover what they functionally believe about themselves. Ellis’s A-B-C approach proposes that the set of beliefs (B) about an activating event (A) leads to consequences (C) (Rathus, 258-259). He suggested that these set of beliefs could be described as Core Irrational Beliefs (Rathus, 259). Although Ellis believed that there were only 10 CIB’s that we have, I have found that there are many more than he proposed. In my work, I find similarities throughout their core language.
I use Thought Charts and Brain Groove exercises (previous blog post) to help counselees see what they believe in their core self about themselves. It is through their negative self-talk that we can define the core belief that have about themselves, and live out in their life.
As I have mentioned before, several counselees describe statements of self as being a failure, not good enough, worthless, of no value, not measuring up, rotten, etc. We explore where these messages originated, how they developed, and how they currently live out these messages in their lives. I then give them a four question exercise to help them process their CIB.
What is the CIB?
Why is this belief irrational? Not true?
What would the Core Rational Belief be?
Why is this CRB true? Valid?
The initial goal is to define the CIB, and logically work through the questions, knowing they will not think the answers of #2, #3, and #4 will ring true to them. I encourage them to answer the questions with what they know to be true, even if they do not feel that it is true. My objective is to get them to be able to distinguish between what is a lie and what it truth, again even if they do not believe or feel it is true. Once they can define what truth is and what is a lie, they can then begin to reframe their thinking based on truth, practice that truth in their thinking process, and apply it into situations into their everyday life.
I particularly instruct them that the answers to #2 and #4 will seem very forced, seem like the actual falsehood instead of truth, and may rest completely on a logical “head knowledge” of who God is and who they are because of Him. I just want them to try to answer them as objectively as possible. I have them try to take a step back, and answer them logically, or what they “know” the answer is (i.e. I am accepted, God loves me, Christ dies on the cross for me, God created me, etc.) even if they do not believe that it is true in this moment. I remind them that they have believed this CIB for most of their life so it will not go away after answering some questions. Remember, an average of three years to change a “brain groove.”
Once a counselee defines their core beliefs, they begin to realize the power of their self-talk and how it has defined them. They begin to see that their entire life story has been scripted by these beliefs and they have played the part their CIB’s have created. I call this their “narrative,” or the story of their life. I help them to see that this is a script they have learned and lived out on the stage of life. It is at this point one must decide to continue living by the script of falsehood, or desire to rewrite their script in truth. I believe this is possible. I believe there is a truth that can be the solid foundation of their core, speak truths to them, and can be trusted as truth. I believe this truth comes from God. Our core self, our true identity is “…centered on the person of Jesus Christ” (Balswick, p. 241). When this becomes their new foundation, these counselee can begin to recreate their self-talk, their foundation, their core beliefs, and their brain grooves to reflect the truth of who they were created to be.
I desire that these counselees understand that an authentic core self is possible, and that it needs to transcend our current, postmodern definition of a true self. “Lacking a stable inner core or a reason-governed personality, the postmodern self is a relational self in which relationships with others are mediated by various technologies….Lacking an inner core, the identity within the postmodern self will exist only as a collection of external images” (p. 287). It is here that I believe we as Christian counselors, have a true foundation that can stabilize the inner self in a God-narrative, not a postmodern self-narrative that tells them that truth is whatever they make it to be. It is here we need truth outside of ourselves to stabilize our core, believe truth instead of lies, and begin to function out of that truth.
