I think that counseling is more of a “walking with” experience rather than a “telling” experience. What exactly do I mean by that? Well, one of the often held misconceptions of counseling is that people come in and we, as counselors, have all the answers to all of life’s problems, and when we tell them what to do then everything in their life will be just fine. Easy equation: “I have a problem, give me the solution”…but does life really work like that? I don’t know about you, but that has never happened in one of my counselling sessions. When I tell my counselees what to do, I rob them of their ability to find the answer within themselves. I steal their voice from them, which is something I am trying to restore to them, not take from them. I want to build them up so that they can be empowered to live their lives themselves, not need someone else to tell them how to do that. I don’t want to just be another person telling them what to do, and it often just goes in one ear and out the other. I will certainly help them, ask them tough questions, and challenge them, but they need to find the answer from within themselves. Counseling is the beautiful journey that helps people regain their voice, empowers them, and encourages the strengths that they already have. How can I, someone who sees them an hour once a week or once every other week, have the ability to tell them how to live their lives. I can, and do, give them tools, techniques, and offer insights, and it is such an honor to be invited into someone’s life to do that. I believe that walking with is actually harder to do then just telling someone what to do. That requires very little of me. But to actually walk with someone through the counseling process requires all of me; body, mind, and soul.
A counselee came in and during our first session says that she wants me to pull her over the wall that is blocking her from living her life. My response was that I would rather climb that wall along with her as she learns the skills, tools, and strengths within herself to accomplish climb over that wall in her life and come out stronger on the other side. What would she gain if I just pushed her and pulled her over the wall, and then sent her on her way on the other side? How would she overcome the next wall in her life, and the next, and next…?
It is a privilege to walk alongside hurting people, and I take that responsibility seriously. At the end of my time with someone, I want to be able to have them feel heard, cared for, and empowered. I can only do that while I am walking alongside them in their life, not telling them how they should be living their life.
