When I say the word “boundaries” or the phrase “healthy boundaries”, what comes to mind? Is this term familiar to you? If it is, great! Perhaps you have already done some intentional work on this topic. If it’s not, today I’m going to suggest that you consider beginning this important work.
Healthy Boundaries are Not Easy
Setting healthy boundaries is not an easy task and can oftentimes feel rather intimidating. Telling people what you need might seem selfish, or even rude. But it’s essential work: Boundaries allow us to feel safe and respected both physically and emotionally. Honoring our limits helps us to take better care of ourselves, builds trust, prevents burnout, and allows for more meaning and authenticity in our relationships.
So how do we begin? We start the purposeful work of setting boundaries by asking ourselves what behaviors we will accept from other people, as well as what behaviors other people can expect from us.
Once we have established this, we can begin to have the intentional conversations surrounding boundaries within those relationships in our lives that would benefit from some clear expectations and parameters.
Even after the clearest of boundaries have been set, unfortunately, we can anticipate violations of them. It can be very difficult for the people in our lives to respect our boundaries, especially if they have benefited from our lack of boundaries for any period of time.
So how should we respond when a boundary is not respected?
Here is a template of how we can thoughtfully address a breach of boundaries:
When you ___________, I felt ___________.
Please don’t ___________, ___________ is important to me.
For example:
“When you told our friends about what’s been going on with my family, I felt hurt and embarrassed. Please don’t share things about me without my consent. My privacy is important to me.“
When you understand how to set and maintain healthy boundaries, you can avoid the feelings of resentment, disappointment, and anger that build up when limits have been pushed.
So while the work of setting clear boundaries can feel difficult, it is a way to take care of ourselves and be intentional about our relationships.
Has this conversation about healthy boundaries caused you to think about the relationships in your life and whether or not you have healthy boundaries in place?
If yes, the time you spend in session with your counselor would be an excellent and safe space to explore how to achieve better boundaries. As always, you aren’t alone to figure things out.
Each of us at Life Giving Counseling are honored to come alongside you as help navigate through what healthy boundaries can look like within your life.
