I love this time of year and it normally brings joy to my heart. The cooler temps, the changing landscape, and the anticipation of the upcoming holiday season. But this year those holiday celebrations will look different for my family, and I imagine that will be true for many of you. The gatherings that will take place will be small, and I won’t be seeing most of my family members at all this year. I’m not gonna lie. I’m really bummed! Pandemic 2020 has taken its fair share! Not my Thanksgiving and Christmas too! Ugh! Ok, rant over. But if you’re anything like me, you’ve had those moments too (maybe more than you care to admit).
So, what do we do when those anxious and depressing thoughts threaten to overwhelm us, stealing our joy and our hope that things will actually get better someday? Here are a few things that help me and I hope will be helpful to you:
Remember Both/And
So simple, but oh how we forget! It is possible to hold two seemingly opposing realities in our consciousness at the same time. For example, my smaller Thanksgiving gathering this year can make me feel both saddened that the usual crowd is not getting together and grateful that the smaller group will make for more meaningful connections and less stressful preparations.
This concept is especially applicable to our current political climate. A friend or loved one can both frustrate me by their political views and also encourage me with the way they check in to see how I’m doing. People are complex. You and I are complex. We are not perfect, but rather some kind of beautiful messy concoction. Let’s extend that standard of lovely imperfection to ourselves and to others. Think of a person who frustrates you the most. That person has both desirable and undesirable characteristics. Look for the good! Apply this logic to yourself as well
Try on Different Shades
Each of us views the world through a particular lens. Imagine for a moment the act of physically putting on sunglasses. They impact what we see, how the world around us looks, how clearly we can distinguish one thing from another. These lenses were created by a variety of things, including our personality, how we were raised, and a host of experiences we, and those around us, have had. Now consider how your lenses shape the way you see certain situations? My own disappointment about the upcoming holidays is shaped by my personal experience of the pandemic, my personal level of risk-taking as it relates to my health and the health of my family, my faith, the value I place on in-person connection, and so on.
Now, what would happen if I were to try on a different pair of “sunglasses?” I might see things from another’s perspective, that one year of missed holiday gatherings is a small price to pay for the health and safety of beloved parents and grandparents. What other shades might you be willing to try on?
Look for the Joy
Every day, we are faced with choices, not the least of which is “What will get my attention today?” “What attitude will I bring to that situation?” “Will this difficulty propel me toward meaningful connections or away from them?” When it comes to finding joy, the good news is that this is a choice you get to make each and every day.
It may feel impossible to believe, but there is joy to be found in every single day if you look for it.
And BONUS: The natural side effect of looking for joy is gratitude. When I look at my one-year-old sleeping peacefully in his crib, I can choose a few different responses at that moment. I could think “Oh my word, I love that kid…and what if something terrible happens to him! I could never live with myself!…and so on.” Or I could think, “Oh my word, I love that kid…look at his perfect chubby cheeks and squishy babyness…and I am so thankful I get to be his mom for however long that happens to be.”
Anxiety likes to tell us that it’s preparing us for the worst, but all it’s really doing is stealing us of the joy that could be felt just by looking around at the moment we are in and finding something joy-inspiring. 2020 has been rough, no doubt. But 2020 has also been filled with moments of joy. Are you willing to look for them? Can you carry this practice with you into the holidays and beyond, into 2021? Because the reality is, life does not hit a reset button just because a date changes. Let’s learn to live with the mess and look for the joy.
