When my then 5 year old daughter was asking me what it was that I did when I go to work, I tried to explain that I help people. Just having bunion surgery and being non-weight bearing on my foot for 8 weeks, she replied “but you can’t help people, your foot is hurt.” I tried to tell her that I don’t help people that way, but more with what they are feeling, thinking, and their “inside pain.” To which she quickly understood and replied, “I get it, so you are like a feeling helper.” It was one of those moment I knew I had to write that down, so I did, and it is still proudly displayed in my office as a famous quote from a very wise girl that was stated on 1/3/12.
That quote has stuck , and that is how she describes to others what I do. Which brings me to the topic for today…Feelings. We often approach feelings with unnecessary labels……are they good or bad, right or wrong, holy or unholy? But what if we are asking the wrong questions? What if the answer is none of those? Emotions do not have to be good or bad, right or wrong, etc. They just need to be. We often spend so much time and energy wasted on trying to stop, dismiss, stuff, avoid, hide from the emotion. Nor do we need to judge, criticize, or label emotion the emotion, rather we need to accept it for what it is…just a feeling. It is allowed to be there. Instead we should use our energy to figure out what to do with emotion. It is what we do with that feeling that matters most.
It is important to recognize and identify the emotion you are having, but then you need to allow it. Accept it as a part of you; not defining you, not making decisions for you, not ruining your day, but allowed to be there. There are reasons that it is there. They are trying to tell you something, so listen without judgement, and find out why it is there. There is something going on in your eternal circumstances and your internal experience that has brought that emotion there. So, see it, understand it, and accept it. We are complex human being with the capacity to hold all kinds of different emotions inside of us at the same time. This is a very important Mindfulness practice that helps us have and express emotions in a healthy. There is nothing wrong with having an emotion, it is what we do with that emotion that is important. I enjoy walking with people as they learn how to be mindful of, and manage all kinds of emotions. So I guess my daughter is right, I am a feeling helper, and if you need a one, please let me know!
