This is the final blog of the counseling process series. Here I would like to focus on clients’ narratives.
Tip #5: Rescript the Narrative
Once the self-narrative has been identified through the previous exercises, we then begin to look at the God-narrative as the truth to replace the lie (CIB). I believe that it is possible to redefine the narrative.
Marc Carafa, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and professor at Temple University has done a lot of work on Attachment Theory and God Images. I recently attended a seminar where he presented his work. He defines the difference between our beliefs about God, and our contradictory experiences of God. He says that God Concepts are doctrinal understandings of God that underlie a person’s cognitive beliefs about Him, and God images are the mental representations of God that underlie a person’s emotional experience. He presents that most Christians struggle with competing ideas of the God concept and the image. For example, a God concept may be that “I know God is a loving God,” however the God image may be that “But, I experience Him as distant and cold.” Another example could be that “I know God is forgiving,” but “I experience fear with Him as He will punish me.” The goal would be to find more balanced language to connect our concepts and images. For example, “God has been good. Sometimes it might feel hard to know He is there, and sometimes I feel like I don’t always like His plan, but I can also see how He has been with me through it all.”
Living in extreme language can be exhausting as it is difficult to make everything fit into a category. I often find counselees living in extreme language/thoughts of who God is and who they are as a result. They often have extreme languages of themselves, others, and God based on concepts of right/wrong, good/bad, success/failure, loving/evil, etc. This all-or-nothing thinking promotes extremes in negative self-talk and leaves them with definitions of self that fall into stress-filled, guilt-inducing language at their core. It is like a pendulum swinging quickly from one side to the other; swift changes that leave people physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, relationally, and spiritually exhausted. Helping people find that middle area of the pendulum leads to more peaceful and balanced self-talk.
It is at this point that I use some Mindfulness techniques to teach them that non-judgmental acceptance of emotions, present circumstances, difficulties, etc. can aid them in using more balanced, freeing language. For example, definitions of success (i.e. “I must do everything perfectly”) versus failure (“I am not good enough,” “I will never measure up,” “I can’t do anything right”) can be challenged as extreme thinking that can be de-scripted as “I am doing the best I can in the moment I am in” language. This language produces freedom in truth instead of bondage to lies. Developing a new narrative includes language that is flexible, realistic, and balanced. A new narrative needs to be based on accurate views of self, others, and God. It will include grace-filled, balanced language that includes the reality of the highs and lows of life.
It is often that the narrative used to describe God, is the narrative used to describe the self. “The Salient role of narratives in brain integration may be why we find a strong correlation between mental health, emotional regulation, and the coherence of the narratives individuals tell about themselves and their relationship histories” (Carafa, p.11).
An exercise to help a counselee define their God narrative is below. First, I have them place an important figure in their life in a center circle. Second, on the lines surrounding the circle/person, they are to write the attributes and/or feelings about his person and their relationship. Third, I have them replace God in the circle. We then explore the questions of would the attributes be the same? The opposite? Why or why not? It is helpful to see how their past, significant figures, etc. have influenced their view of who God is.
A second narrative exercise I use is Storying. I have the person write out, or tell, the story of their life including significant stories of messages they received throughout their life about themselves. I have them describe what it is they learned about themselves, others, and God. We then work on rewriting the story including what they are learning now about themselves, others, and God, and how is changing their narrative. I use the image of a book cover to solidify this exercise by having them describe the book cover of their old story (colors, images, picture of themselves, etc.). I then have them imagine the cover of their new story/book (colors, images, picturing their hair blowing in the breeze, etc.).
A narrative must be truthful, not idealistic. It cannot be all rainbows and unicorns because that would still be a falsehood. It must be a balanced, healthy, and integrated picture ; one where they live out their true self while living in a fallen, sinful, broken, distorted world. The counselee needs to be empowered that they are the author of their story. The events of their story cannot be rewritten, but their perceptions, interpretations, and meaning of those events can be rewritten. I cannot be the one to rewrite their story; they must be the author, editor, and illustrator of their own story. They choose the script by which to live by, and they have the power to edit and rewrite the lies that have found their way into their story.
